The Good Life

Numb.

2011-09-01T22:49:00.001-06:00

It's been a while since I've used this contraption, this weird online diary.

Combustion

2011-02-13T01:41:00.000-07:00

This may seem un-monumental to the average reader, but to me, this situation was golden.
I'm a new driver, and I had my first real automobile scare. My gas gauge was at about an eighth of a tank, but when we bought the car, we knew that the gauge was not always accurate. Needless to say, I prayed the entire 13 miles to school that I would make it over the overpass to see the glorious red and white sign. Of course, it seemed like the needle was especially heavy and just continuously dropped into the danger zone, but miraculously I made it.
That day was monumental. I got myself some gas, folks.

:#12. The Conoco

"When you're here, you're family"

2011-02-13T00:40:00.002-07:00

People who sleep alone don't know what they're missing out on until that one night when they don't sleep alone. (This isn't a one-night-stand reference).

In the last who-knows-how-many-months, there's been this guy. Long story short, he's gotta be the greatest guy-friend I have ever had. He and my best friend and I create the greatest trio that I ever could have imagined, and when we're all together, we are unstoppable. We're up to no-knock status (unspoken rule that allows you to enter a friend's casa without knocking), and our parents more than accept the Three Amigos. We spend our nights eating, racing the electric carts at King Soopers at midnight, watching Netflix movies that make Indie/Sundance Film Festival-worthy movies seem like Oscar nominations. Last night we were in our usual spots on the futon, hiding under the covers during scary parts of the movie and eventually drifting into some strange state of sleep. It's become normal for us to cuddle up and stay warm and act like one little very happy family. And all I kept thinking is, "How right does this feel?" Because it felt so right.
Screw marriage (seriously). I've found the people I want to "spend the rest of my life with".

:#11. Movie Nights

Neverland

2011-01-08T00:24:00.000-07:00

I have a crush on...

Boys who play guitar. Bradley Cooper.

...being young?

"Promise me, let's never get older"**

Tonight, some friends and I got in some trouble, all in the name of pizza, local bands, and each other's company. Which brought to my mind the idea of Peter Pan and his ability to stay young and carefree forever. And that's all I want. To make stupid, spur-of-the-moment decisions, here and now. Not 15 years from now when I have people who truly depend on me. I want to get out some of my carelesness, to do some stupid things and learn from my mistakes, rather than sit in a bar at 28 trying to "live it up" because I feel the need to do something reckless.

Tonight, I've been trying to let everything go. I feel so...so cold, that I can almost physically feel the walls that I've put up. They help forgive and forget, right?

Even so...

I think I just threw up the thought of growing up.

** This line was taken from the song "Affinity" by Red Car Wire...which has been playing on repeat for the last 13 minutes.

*** The word "Affinity" is described as a person, thing, idea, etc., for which such a natural liking or attraction is felt. Appropriate? I think so.

:#10. Stupidity

Illusions

2010-12-23T22:06:00.001-07:00

Sometimes things seem one way, and end up being another. They'll kick you in the butt then help you up. The thing is, most of them will hide themselves and you know you're looking for something, but it's just not jumping in your face, and there's absolutely no escaping them.

He is We is one of my all-time best finds on purevolume.com. They are a boy and a girl who have a passion for sweet music and a passion for each other. And they are my dream.
You see, the beginning of my Christmas break was also the kickoff of something good. Two nights with a friend I haven't been able to friend with in quite awhile, and a more recently-made friend who is.... something else. We spent two nights on a non-Italian-leather sectional, playing Halo and drinking Red Bulls and Vanilla Cokes. Driving to Starbucks just to read the paper and drink some Christmas cheer. Flashing him my sleepy eyes while he channeled some songs about men of six feet tall and toes like bubbles and we just kind of sang along, harmonizing and melodizing with our faces and hearts smiling. And that, folks, is what I want. Just me, a boy, and a guitar...and we'll take on the world just singin' a couple tunes. I want laughing, singing, zombie killin'. Always want more.
But I can't take those nights at face value. They aren't really what they seem, no matter how much a girl hopes.

#9: Sing-alongs

<3 Merry Christmas

Peek-a-Boo, I See You

2010-11-09T21:11:00.001-07:00

Maybe we all need to be a little more transparent. Let people see into who we are.

Even though it's nothing, it was something.

Laughing in our sleep and not remembering it in the morning. Climbing into bed on the couch, looking over when he slurs out something funny. Stumbling like a drunk on the way to the bathroom.

These are the people I want forever.

:#8. Friends you can wake up next to

Prize in the Box of Crackerjacks

2010-10-14T22:51:00.002-06:00

Life: flawed. Jolting. A pile of crap.
Life goes on.

I've never understood baseball. How the catcher knows how to run the game, how the pitcher can always read him just right, and how somebody can crush a 3.8 inch diameter object traveling at 96 miles per hour. The baseball diamond isn't called a "diamond" for nothing--when it all works out and the flaws are taken care of, each facet shines its brightest and BOOM. Home run.

Something else I'll never understand? The importance of those people who make you feel truly alive. Who you can let your hair down around, who you can share a laugh with, ride in the car with the windows down with...those people who make things seem so easy. Today I got another ride home, and another look at how things oughta be. Laughing, swerving, story-telling. Friend-ing.
It's these moments that take the every-day from a lump of coal to something beautiful and bright.
Even with our back to the catcher, and life's wacked-out curveballs, we still have a fighting chance.

:#7. Neighborly neighbors

Little Red Octagons

2010-10-04T18:23:00.000-06:00

Self Efficacy: The belief that one is capable of performing in a certain manner to attain certain goals, and that one has the capabilities to execute the courses of actions required to manage prospective situations
~ We should be learning these kinds of things instead of wasting time on valence electrons and the tangent of angle theta.

I know it's probably not a very girl-like fascination, but I'm totally interested in MMA --> UFC. There's something raw, crazy, and disgusting that I absolutely can't take my eyes off once I start to watch. It's something about how much "want" you see in those guys' eyes, and how they won't stop at anything to to get their hand raised after a few rounds. Lately, I've been feeling so empowered. Those blue eyes won the best of me again, but I have to remind this little heart of mine to remember how things will always be. There is no changing someone who doesn't have the desire to change--so I'm learning to cope or say "bye". I feel like knowing what I'm getting into, and knowing that I can handle it, is getting me a lot farther than just aimlessly hoping. This time I'm sure of myself. I know I can handle whatever comes in my corner of the ring. Self efficacy.
Imagine what the world could be like with this kind of assurance. Maybe in place of people so afraid to fall over the edge, we wouldn't even have an edge to push--we would just be. No more doubt, no more fear of failure...just a drive to succeed and a lot more smiling.

Today, my friend and I just sat at a stop sign to laugh for a few minutes. We didn't have worry on the mind, just joy.
Just stop, and tell life to bring it on. Tapout, baby.

:#6. Being.

Everything's Magic

2010-09-11T00:42:00.001-06:00

There was something magical about today. Maybe it was the thrill of a Friday and the prospect of the three-day weekend, maybe it was the upcoming game against our rival {we lost, by the way}, maybe it was rocking out in my best friend's car, just cause we can. Whatever it was, it was great. It seems like everybody felt IT--there was more smiling, more joy, more everything...and more that our world needs more of.

Trial Run

2010-09-05T00:21:00.003-06:00

He was the first to steal my heart, and the first to break it, too.
That boy.
Him and I were in love.

Tonight I talked to him, and this got me thinking. After things went sour [the second time] we promised to at least be friends. We didn't have a fairy-tale relationship, but it seemed perfect enough to us. Maybe you would have to know us to get it, but it works for us so well. And tonight, I spent time looking back at how big of a deal we really were. It's a nice thought.

Forget remorse. Of all the things I could feel, I just feel lucky.

There's something about your first love that never, ever leaves you.

:#5. Those blue eyes
{As of October 9th, we are officially done | forever and always | in my heart}

Number One

2010-08-24T21:33:00.005-06:00

Ahh, the joys of high school sports...
Today was my first taste of Junior year's sports. I had gathered with some friends, we claimed the bed of a guy's truck, and we staked our territory as the Right Field Rejects. There was the trash talking, the joking, the jumping, the cheering, and my first time as a softball game spectator. We stood our grand in the corner opposite the Left Field Lefttouts. It really was a great time, my favorite kind of time...laid back laughter, good ol' Colorado sunshine, and some Mountain Dew. I went home with a smiling heart, just craving more.

For me, athletics in high school is 90% of its purpose, even as a sideline all-star. I love watching the guys throw around a pig skin and become one for a split second while their bodies collide. As a former volleyball player, when a serve goes up, so does my pulse. There's nothing better than watching your guy get the take-down and the pin or come back after near-fall experience, and it makes me proud to call myself their manager. Fellow track-stars should be able to relate to the purpose felt when you step into your blocks...the feeling of the track beneath my feet is like ecstasy. Obviously, high school isn't high school without these time-teasing moments. It brings people together for one common reason, and that's such an awesome feeling. We were made to be social, and what better way to do it than supporting the sole purpose of your school? So grab a buddy and a Coke, and go cheer your little heart out.

Where would we be without a little competition?
Where would we go without a few good pals to push us or hang around with?

Nowhere worth being at all.

:#4. The Friday-night lights

Get Your Grub On!

2010-07-31T21:27:00.003-06:00

Last night I roamed the downtown streets with my best friends, soaking in all the nightlife hotspots, the cute shops, and the divine little food joints.
Simply put, I really, really love to eat. I try not to gorge, but hey. We all have our days.
So, standing in my kitchen enjoying a cookie with my mom, I found my #3.

#3: The enjoyment of being a foodie

Treasure

2010-07-03T22:24:00.003-06:00

The Story: My grandma is sick...very sick. Her kidneys are bad, she is diabetic, and the cherry on top-- she just took a nasty spill that left her pretty helpless. She has lived with us since the week of Thanksgiving and my dear little mom has given her the best of care. Recently, our house has been flooded with different rotations of family who are trying to get the most time in as possible. It's rough giving up your house and accommodating to everybody's needs, almost as rough as seeing the life slip out of the grasp of the woman who has anchored your entire family as long as its existence.

The Deal: It's the middle of my summer which, for me has been put on hold, but which everyone else seems to keep enjoying. I resent that, and I feel like I've grown up 10 years older in the last 2 months. But looking back, I think of all the times that my granny was there to be my rock. And that realization makes it sink it that I need to do all that I can for her now, in her time of need. I don't need to go see this guy's band play a local gig, I don't need to go to the dumb parade, I don't need to go to the new box-office hit. I just need more time.

: #2. Grandmas' love

The Beatle's Got IT

2010-06-27T21:43:00.004-06:00

Today [and past ones, too] it hit me...holding hands might be the greatest gift/invention/PDA, or whatever you'd like to name it, ever. I doubt John Lennon knew how right-on he was when he wrote "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" ~ but he got it.
Today a little boy wrapped his little hand around my fingers, looked up with me with longing eyes and a big smile, and pulled me along on his adventure, and it was adorable. Even the little guys see the importance of lacing fingers.
Tomorrow, shut up, grab someone's hand and grin.
It's kinda of just a moment of "Ahh...everything is good". Nobody wants hot sex all day long, good looks don't last forever, and even love falls short sometimes. And there will come a day when that 5 story house will collapse, the Benz is going to need a new tranny, but when all perfect-ness collapses, there will be hand holding. When all else fails, we still have the hand that holds the world.

“ The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but hold hands.”

: #1. Entwining hands